Imagine you are at a party. You have barely picked up your drink when a stranger approaches you. After asking your name, the next question is usually: “So, what do you do?”
This question sounds simple, but its meaning runs deep. In India, it is often not just curiosity; it is a polite way of asking: How much do you earn? Or, what is your social status?
We have learnt to judge people within seconds based on their job titles. If someone is a VP at a large multinational firm, they receive a different level of respect. But if someone is struggling professionally, the tone of the conversation shifts immediately. The problem is that this culture has created an unspoken relationship where our paycheck has quietly become our identity.
In this article, we will explore why this happens, how social comparison worsens it, and most importantly, how you can break out of this cycle.
Pressure to Earn More
Right from childhood, we are conditioned to believe that the main aim of life is to keep earning more, a belief tightly woven into societal expectations and comparisons.
It begins with family and the ‘Sharma ji ka beta’. In the Indian middle class, scoring good marks in school is not about gaining knowledge; it is about securing a high-paying job. It is not just about money; it is about family prestige. A high-earning son or daughter is seen as responsible and successful, whereas someone earning less is often viewed as unsuccessful.
On top of this, we cannot ignore the cost of urban living. Cities like Bengaluru or Mumbai are extremely expensive. Rent, EMIs, children’s school fees, and healthcare expenses make a high salary feel less like comfort and more like a necessity for survival. Slowly, this necessity begins blending with our sense of self-worth. We start believing that if we cannot afford an expensive apartment, we are failing in life.
Then comes the marital market. Whether it is an arranged marriage or a love marriage, salary packages often become the main talking point. The message is clear: even as a partner, your value is closely tied to your income.
Comparison Trap: How Social Media Makes It Worse
As if family pressure was not enough, we now face the added burden of comparing ourselves with strangers on the internet.
Illusion of LinkedIn: LinkedIn is no longer just a job-hunting platform; it has turned into a professional version of Instagram. Every day, we scroll through endless “I am happy to announce…” posts, promotions, and achievements. Watching this highlight reel of others’ success can make our own steady progress feel like failure.
Mirage of Instagram: On Instagram, we see friends on expensive vacations, dining at fancy restaurants, or posing with new luxury cars. We compare our everyday struggles to their best-curated moments.
This gives rise to the FOMO economy. The fear of being left behind pushes us to buy things we do not need, often with money we do not have (via credit cards or loans). We take on debt just to look successful, only to fall deeper into financial and emotional stress.
Why Are We Never Satisfied?
Have you ever wondered why the excitement of a promotion fades within just a few months? Psychology calls this the ‘Hedonic Treadmill’.
The concept is simple: when you get a big salary hike, you feel extremely happy, for a while. But soon, you adapt to that new income level. Your lifestyle upgrades, your expenses rise, and that higher salary becomes your new normal. Now, to feel the same happiness again, you need an even bigger raise.
It is like running on a treadmill, you are working harder and harder, yet emotionally staying in the same place. That is why you often see people earning 10 times more than they did five years ago, yet they remain just as stressed and dissatisfied.
This constant chase often leads to burnout. We stay in jobs we dislike only for the money, sacrificing our health and relationships, all for a happiness that never lasts.
How to Define Success Beyond Your Salary Slip
So, what is the solution? You need to make a conscious effort to separate your self-worth from your net worth. Here are a few ways to do that:
Build a multidimensional identity: Your identity is not limited to your job. You are also a friend, a parent, an artist, a cook, or a volunteer. Invest time in these other parts of your life. When you have a bad day at work, it will not break you completely, because you will know you are also someone who plays great guitar or is a kind friend.
Treat money as a tool, not a scorecard: This is the most important mindset shift. Money is not meant to prove your worth as a person. Its purpose is to act as a tool that gives you choices, security, and freedom, such as the freedom to leave a toxic job or the freedom to pursue your hobbies.
Create your own definition of a successful life: Forget society’s definition and write down your own definition of a good life; it may be having good health, waking up without an alarm, or spending two hours a day with your kids. You will be surprised to realise that many of these goals do not require a seven-figure salary.
Practice digital mindfulness: Be aware of your triggers. If scrolling LinkedIn makes you anxious, limit your time. Unfollow Instagram accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Shape your social media feed to inspire you, not to make you feel inadequate.
Wrapping Up
In modern India, it is very easy to fall into the trap of I am what I earn. Society, family, and social media all reinforce this belief. But remember: your income is just a number, it is what you earn. Your self-worth is who you are: your character, your kindness, your curiosity, and your resilience.
From now on, try talking about your interests, learning, or passions without mentioning your job. Start practising what it means to be valuable beyond what you earn.
*The article is for information purposes only. This is not investment advice.
*Disclaimer: Teji Mandi Disclaimer
